Cut me some slack?

I don’t know what to do anymore, i don’t know why i feel the way i do but i do, i feel like i almost have a disorder, as if everything is worse than it really is in my eyes, people may think i’m insane for the way i feel but to me, it’s normal.. 36 days left until he leaves i’m going to lose it. or maybe i’ll sob in silence, keep it all inside and break out while i’m alone..even though thats probably the worst thing i could do.. it might work out the best in my favor? who knows. god save me here.